Is it a bad idea to take a break from someone? Do you owe your partner something when you take some time apart? What is the difference between a break and a breakup?
When my boyfriend broke up with me, he initially asked for space.
According to Berit “Brit” Brogaard, author of On Romantic Love, a break is not a breakup: it’s a pause from the other person – a period to think without having to be around the person during the thinking period. According to him, the rules of the relationship do not change, and each person only gets the time to think about whether the relationship should continue – but they do not go out to test the waters to see whether there are better fish in the sea.
I did not entertain the idea that my then-boyfriend only wanted some time apart, because he had admitted that he was already seeing someone else. I disagreed to giving him the break he was asking and instead told him that what he was really asking for was a breakup instead.
For Brogaard, a break is only applicable when a couple still wants to save their relationship. A breakup, on the other hand, is the thing you, your partner, or both of you choose when there is a plan that the relationship has to end. Meaning, you, your partner, or both of you agree to discontinue the romantic relationship that you have. You could be friends, or just be strangers once more.
Identify the source of conflict
Ask her the reason why, because there has to be at least one instance that triggered her to ask you some time apart. Most girls, unfortunately, will not tell you the real reason right away and will most of the time let you guess. If step one does not work, proceed to the next step.
Recall
Dig deep into your memory lane and think about the possible scenarios that possibly made her decide to ask for a break. Did you just make her feel she has to doubt? Did she tell you anything about someone she just met?
Talk about solutions
Once you have identified the root of the problem, it’s time to find alternative solutions before saying “yes” to the break she is asking for. Try to ask her if she is available for a meet-up, or ask her for a short drive and go somewhere where she could breathe some fresh air, so that she could at least release what’s bothering her. This is a win-win solution, because she gets to release her stress, and you could also personally verify the problems on your “guess list” you made when she didn’t tell you anything!
Do your own research
Ask her friends if she had opened up already about something unusual. This is very tricky, because most of the time, her real friends would not help you once she had talked to them already. Always be vigilant about who you’re asking help from, otherwise, they will spill the beans to your girlfriend because they, too, have no idea what you’re up to. The key here is to win her friends, too.
Give her assurance that you will be waiting
If you gave her a “yes” to her request for a break, make it clear to her that you will want to meet again after the period of time you have agreed upon for her to have a break. Remember that you have to assure her that there is someone who’s still waiting for her.